Wedding FAQs

CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE Virtually every society we know has felt the need for divine blessing upon marriages. The Christian Church has always agreed with that perception. There is simply a holy dimension to the joining of husband and wife, to the fulfillment they give each other, and to the possibility of new life born to such a union. There is recognition of human inadequacy for such a task, and likewise of God's promise to help us. We come humbly and joyfully to ask for that help.

In the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony two who are separated become "one flesh." These familiar words of the Hebrew Torah (repeated and reinforced by both Jesus and Paul) point to an understanding of the marital relationship that takes a lifetime to explore. The process of becoming "one flesh" is filled with unexpected joys and pains as we discover the wonderful reality that we are no longer alone in the world. We are inseparably united with another, with one who is God's gift to us. We also discover that the commitment to become "one flesh" is not simply a commitment of bride and groom. God normally speaks through people. We say our vows surrounded by a community that is praying for us, and themselves vowing to support and uphold us in our marriage. Certainly a couple may say "It is our wedding." But just as surely it is the community's wedding. The whole community joins in the prayers for God to make us that which we cannot be alone. God's Spirit joins us as husband and wife. That is one reason Eucharists are almost always encouraged at weddings. It is appropriate that the first act of husband and wife be to kneel before our Lord and Maker in thanksgiving and humility. It is appropriate that those who prayed with that couple also join in thanksgiving for the gift of grace. It is with this sense of holiness and worship that we at Trinity share the joy of those who are ready to pledge themselves to each other in Holy Matrimony.

WHEN DO WE FIRST CONTACT TRINITY? As soon as you know you wish to be married, even before you set a date. The Episcopal Church requires at least thirty days notice, but that is rarely sufficient. Counseling must be done and the calendar often fills months in advance. Please make no announcement of your wedding or send any invitations until after your counseling sessions with the priest.

WHAT IS THE REQUIRED COUNSELING? Each priest has his/her own way of doing premarital counseling. Both the number and content of the sessions will vary. All priests share, however, in making certain as possible that the couple understands the commitment they are making before God. All also share the need to know the couple as they relate to each other in their marriage.

DOES IT MATTER IF ONE OR BOTH OF US IS DIVORCED? Marriage is always a commitment "until we are parted by death." Yet divorce is common in today's world. The Episcopal Church will bless a second marriage only after consent of the Bishop is obtained. This means additional counseling, assurance that commitments to children are fulfilled, minimum time after legal divorce, more time in planning, etc. divorce is in your background, please be sure to mention it to the priest Immediately.

MAY CLERGY OTHER THAN THOSE AT TRINITY PARTICIPATE? Trinity clergy are in charge of all weddings, but will be happy to work with you in having other clergy assist. The Liturgy will always be from the Book of Common Prayer. Trinity must invite any other participants, so please consult with your priest before extending even an informal invitation.

DO ALL WEDDINGS INCLUDE THE EUCHARIST? The Eucharist is a part of the prayers of the community, one of the ways the community joins together in giving thanks for God's grace. Christian Marriage points out that it is the single most important first act a couple can make. Consequently it is always encouraged and all present are always invited to join in receiving. Yet the Eucharist is never mandated, and your priest will discuss this with you.

MAY WE USE ANY MUSIC WE WISH? Certainly there are guidelines that keep the music focused on the primary focus of the wedding. Couples should confer with the Organist and Choirmaster who plays all weddings. He can be reached at the church: 918-582-4128. The organist does not normally attend rehearsals.

HOW DO WE PLAN FLOWER DECORATIONS? Trinity is a beautiful church and very little floral decoration is needed. Normally two urns near the Altar are ample. Generally the florist picks up the liners for those urns, fills them, and returns them the day of your wedding. Flowers are left in the church following the wedding.

WHAT HELP DOES TRINITY GIVE ME? The Wedding Committee of our Altar Guild coordinates all weddings at Trinity. The Clergy and the Wedding Committee will direct both rehearsals and wedding, consulting with you on all arrangements. They will make sure you are where you need to be. Bridal consultants are not needed, though you are welcome to have them assist you in dressing.

MAY WE HAVE FLOWER GIRLS AND RING BEARERS? Certainly, but be sensitive to their age. Very young children can be more distracting that worshipful.

DO WE USE AISLE RUNNERS? Aisle runners are not used at Trinity Church.

MAY WE USE A UNITY CANDLE? No, it is not used in the Episcopal Church. Both the Sacraments of Holy Matrimony and of the Eucharist express "two becoming one". Additional symbolism dilutes that focus.

WHAT ABOUT PHOTOGRAPHY? When you chose your photographer, please explain that a primary concern is to preserve the atmosphere of worship. During the service itself, photography is restricted to the balcony (video or still, no flashed; time exposures only during singing or times of congregational participation). A photographer may stand no more than four pews from the entrance to photograph the processions, but the procession will not pause for it. Photos may be taken before or after the ceremony. We suggest that you place a time limit on those following the ceremony as a courtesy to your guests waiting at the reception.

WHO CHOOSES ACOLYTES? Trinity will assign an acolyte unless you have a special request for someone already trained at Trinity Church.

WHERE IS THE BRIDE'S ROOM? On the lower level, Promenade Entrance. Please coordinate through the wedding committee the time you wish it available.

MAY WE SERVE ALCOHOL? Only after the wedding. Your wedding deserves full unadulterated attention. It would be a travesty to all concerned if alcohol were allowed to diminish its holiness and beauty. Therefore the priest may refuse participation in the wedding to anyone who has been drinking.

IS THE GREAT HALL AVAILABLE FOR RECEPTIONS? Yes, and the kitchen staff will be happy to arrange it or cater it. You may also use an outside caterer. Please inquire with the Parish Administrator.

WHEN DO WE GET THE MARRIAGE LICENSE? The County Clerk maintains an information line to help you (918-596-5452). In Oklahoma a Marriage License is valid for ten days and requires a blood test taken within thirty days. Trinity asks that you please simply leave the license at the Church when you get it.

WHERE DOES THE GUEST BOOK BELONG? Guest books can be brought to the church, however the Altar Guild representative will close the guest book about 15 minutes before the ceremony begins so as not to create a bottleneck at the entrance.

ANYTHING ELSE? All Trinity buildings are smoke free, please smoke only outside. We also ask that you refrain from throwing rice, birdseed, or scattering flowers down the center aisle.