Planning a Wedding, Vow Renewal or Blessing
Trinity is one of the most beautiful settings for a wedding, vow renewal or blessing. The gothic architecture, the stunning stain glass and the high altar, unparalleled as a backdrop for taking your vows. Below you will find a simple outline of the steps you should take to plan your big day at Trinity.
Photo credit: Bob McCormack Photography
Photo credit: Bob McCormack Photography
1. Contact Trinity
Please contact Trinity as soon as possible, even before you set a date. The Episcopal Church requires 30-60 days for a wedding. Counselling with the clergy is required and the calendar can fill up months in advance. Trinity is a very busy parish and while we try to accomodate each couple's preferred wedding/blessing date, it is important that you check with the Administrative Assistant to the Rector, Jan Schneider, before announcing your date to ensure it is available. You may reach Jan via email by clicking the link above or call the church at 918.582.4128.
2. Arrange Counselling with the Clergy
Every priest has his or her own way of doing premarital counselling. Both the number of sessions and the content of the sessions will vary, but all priests at Trinity share a commitment to making sure the couple has a full understanding of the commitment they are making before God. Please contact Jan Schneider to arrange counselling.
3. Confer with Choirmaster and Organist
We do have certain guidelines when it comes to music for weddings and blessings. The main idea is to keep the music focused on the meaning of the ceremony. To this end, the couple should confer with the Choirmaster and Organist, Casey Cantwell, who plays all weddings and blessings. It is not traditional for the organist to attend the rehearsals so all details will need to be arranged in advance. Please contact him via the above link or by calling the church at 918.582.4128.
4. Continue Planning your Big Day!
There are so many little details to think about when planning your wedding. Below are some of the common questions we hear. Please do not hesitate to contact the staff, clergy or altar guild if you have questions not addressed here.
What about the Marriage License?
The County Clerk maintains an information line to help you (918-596-5452). In Oklahoma, a Marriage License is valid for ten days and requires a blood test taken within thirty days. Trinity asks that you please simply leave the license at the Church when you get it.
What if one or both of us are divorced?
Marriage is always a committment "until we are parted by death." Yet, divorce is common in today's world. The Episcopal Church will bless a second marriage only after consent of the bishop is obtained. This means additional counseling, assurances that committments to children are fulfilled, minimum time after legal divorce, more time for planning, etc. If divorce is part of your story, please let the priest know immediately so we can help you plan accordingly.
Does Trinity perform same-gender weddings?
Yes. The Diocese of Oklahoma allows same-gender marriage in the church and Trinity is happy to accommodate all couples that meet the guidelines. The couple must undergo pre-marital counseling with a member of the clergy. Please feel free to contact us with further questions.
May clergy other than those at Trinity participate?
The Trinity clergy are always in charge of the service but we will be happy to work with you in having outside clergy assist. The liturgy will always be from the Book of Common Prayer. Trinity must invite any other participants so please consult with your priest before you extend even an informal invitation.
May we use a unity candle?
No, Unity Candles are not used in the Episcopal Church. Both the sacraments of Holy Matrimony and Eucharist express "two becoming one." Additional symbolism dilutes that focus.
Can we use a photographer?
When you chose your photographer, please explain that a primary concern is to preserve the atmosphere of worship. During the service itself, photography is restricted to the balcony (video or still, no flash; time exposures only during singing or times of congregational participation). A photographer may stand no more than four pews from the entrance to photograph the processions, but the procession will not pause for it. Photos may be taken before or after the ceremony. We suggest that you place a time limit on those following the ceremony as a courtesy to your guests waiting at the reception.
Where do we order flowers?
Trinity is a beautiful church and very little floral decoration is needed. Normally two urns near the Altar are ample. Generally the florist picks up the liners for those urns, fills them, and returns them the day of your wedding or blessing. Flowers are left in the church following the wedding.
Will anyone from Trinity be able to assist us on the big day?
The Wedding Committee of our Altar Guild coordinates all weddings and blessings at Trinity. The Clergy and the Wedding Committee will direct both rehearsals and weddings/blessings, consulting with you on all arrangements. They will make sure you are where you need to be. Bridal consultants are not needed, though you are welcome to have them assist you in dressing.
May we use aisle runners?
No, aisle runners are not used at Trinity Episcopal Church.
Can we use ring bearers and flower girls?
Absolutely, but please be sensitive to their ages. Young children can be very distracting during weddings and may disturb the solemnity of the occasion.
Who chooses the acolytes?
The acolytes will be selected by our vergers unless you have specific requests. We will do our best to accomodate your requests where possible.
Do all weddings include Eucharist?
The Eucharist is part of the prayers of the community -- one of the ways the community joins together in giving thanks for God's grace. Christian Marriage points out that it is the single most important first act a couple can make. Consequently we always encourage couples to include Eucharist and all guests are invited to participate. This being said, you are not required to include Eucharist and you and your priest may discuss this.
Is the Great Hall available for receptions?
Yes. Receptions must be arranged with the wedding coordinator. We are happy to work with your caterer. Please contact Jan Schneider with questions or to make arrangements.
May we serve alcohol?
Yes, but only after the wedding. Your wedding or blessing deserves full, unadulterated attention and serving alcohol beforehand may diminish the beauty and holiness. The priest may refuse participation in the wedding/blessing to anyone who has been drinking.
Where do we put the guest book?
It is appropriate to place the guest book in the narthex (the very back of the church by the west doors) where you will find a stand for this purpose. The Wedding Committee will be happy to work with you on possible alternate placements.
Where is the bride's room?
On the lower level, through the east promenade entrance. Please coordinate with the Wedding Committee to ensure it is available at the time you wish.
Anything else I need to know?
All buildings at Trinity are smoke free. Please smoke only outside. Please also refrain from throwing rice or birdseed or scattering flower petals in the aisles. Thank you!